


Meet You There

by Shinocchi



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Character Study, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, M/M, Nipple Play, Post-Canon, Suspense, Switching, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-16 03:50:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5812726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time is universal; it never stops for anyone. But the same couldn't be said to Aoba, who finds his time stopped at the most convenient time, in which a not-so-faithful encounter presents him with truth that redefines his concept of time.</p><p>A post-canon story touching on Aoba's identity, a contradiction that'd come to present him one of the greatest challenges in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Are You There?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a conceptual story that touches on identity and existence. I never thought it'd turn out to be big but fortunately, I found a suitable turning point that would serve the right purpose to break the story into two parts.
> 
> It might be a bit brain-twisting but I hope you enjoy nevertheless :)

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

_Time is a beautiful concept; it’s an illusion, a concept, a measurement – it’s everything you want to define it to be. One person may feel that an hour is a long time, but another person may beg to differ. But it could be different, too. One person may think that an hour is a long time if they have absolutely nothing to do within that timeframe, but for another person, one hour could be an extremely short time if they have too much commitments to finish in a mere sixty minutes. So, is time an illusion we created for ourselves? Or is it a universal concept and measurement?_

 

No one had an ultimate answer to it; for different answers lied differently within different individuals. But an average person would be able to relate to another person if they are, well, _average_. For Noiz, a lifetime is a promise – one he’d given Aoba. One hour to meet Aoba was a long time; one hour to spend with Aoba was a short one. For Noiz – his definition of time was Aoba.

Aoba should feel the same; if he wasn’t average.

And the truth only unveiled to him when they were both far too deep into their relationship, where they finally found themselves cheating time – just so they could meet their lifetime.

 

* * *

 

The morning started like any other. When Aoba woke up, Noiz was already in the shower, preparing himself for the day. He rolled in the bed, burying his head into the pillow as soft snores escaped his lips. Unlike Noiz, he didn’t need to wake up early for work; but unlike what Noiz had told him about not needing to wake up as early as him, Aoba often tried his best to wake as early as he could, just so he could catch Noiz before he headed out.

A wet, cold kiss on the cheek made him crack an eye open. Noiz leaned towards him, one hand pressing on the bed sheet, another twirling the ends of Aoba’s hair as a tender smile graced his features.

“Thought you’re still sleeping.” His smile curved into a gradual smirk. While he moved to allow Aoba place to sit up, Aoba quickly encircled his arms around his neck, pulling him back and pressing a firm kiss against his lips.

“Good morning,” he mumbled blearily, eyes dazed, posture relaxed.

“Morning,” Noiz returned with equal fervour before he pressed their lips together again; this time, engulfing Aoba into a deep kiss.

Even after three years they had been residing in Germany, nothing about Aoba’s mind-set had changed. Surrealism still hit him hard when he woke up to see Noiz first thing in the morning, either sleeping soundly by his side or walking around the room while he tried to not make even the tiniest sound. Waking up to have Noiz by his side was a reality he’d never anticipated ever.

But it _was_ his reality now – regardless if he had seen it coming or not.

Was it possible to fall in love with a man as deeply as he did?

Was it possible to live to the end of his life with a man as much as he wanted himself to?

No one had the answer to it, and he didn’t deem himself to be able to find the answer until the time came when they finally needed to part.

It wasn’t something he should be thinking about anyway.

As he brushed his teeth, bedhead standing in all directions, his gaze fell instinctively at his own reflection in the mirror. Even after the move to Germany, nothing much about him had changed – he looked just the same, sounded just the same. Perhaps he’d gotten more fluent in German, perhaps he’d familiarized himself with the lifestyle here.

But apart from that, nothing much had changed.

Noiz, on the other hand…

When Noiz peeked at him with a nifty grin from the agape bathroom door, he threw a frown at his direction, pouting with his toothbrush still in his mouth.

“What,” he said with muffled voice.

“Nothing, just want to look at you.”

Three years wasn’t a long time, wasn’t short either; but was definitely precious for the both of them. Anything could happen in this three-year period – but regardless of all the hardships they’d been through, they survived all in one piece and came out stronger than the individuals they were three years back. It wasn’t an easy journey, but nothing was proven to be too tough when they had each other as their main pillar of support.

When Aoba budged a sideway glance at Noiz again, he came to notice how Noiz had grown just a bit taller than he remembered him to be. His features sharper, there was this sense of maturity that had started educing from him when he spoke and when he gave Aoba a thoughtful gaze that told Aoba enough that he was deep in his own thoughts, as usual.

Noiz had grown, that’s for sure.

But how about him?

Had _he_ grown?

He returned his gaze to the mirror. He couldn’t tell for sure. All he knew that he’d definitely grown inwardly – that the insecurity he’d once felt when he stepped into this foreign land was no longer present. As he squinted at his own reflection, attempting to find just that _one_ tip-off that would make the most difference, he felt his heart sink.

He was the _same_ as he remembered himself to be.

“What are you thinking about?” Noiz called out from the door. He must have taken too long for a simple wash-up.

“Nothing,” he said, vigorously returning to washing his face.

Noiz let out an erratic chortle. “Same as always, I see.”

His comment flipped another switch in Aoba’s head. _Same as always, huh_?

The idea was like an annoying housefly, flying around his head, bustling him with curiosity that had him distracted from almost everything he was doing until he found Noiz staring at him over the dining table, a look filled with nothing but the intense need to know.

“You okay?” he asked at long last, reaching a hand out to grasp Aoba’s. The warmth and the coarseness of Noiz’s skin he felt on his own hand did things to him. Gulping down his throat, he closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. This couldn’t continue. He was thinking too much again and it was starting to worry Noiz.

Shaking his head, he lifted a smile he hoped was genuine enough to reassure his boyfriend. “I’m fine.”

Noiz’s silence told him that he was not convincing him at all. But for whatever reasons, he decided to let it go as he leaned back against his chair and sipped on his coffee.

By now, Noiz should’ve understand him enough to know what Aoba implied when he threw him a casual ‘I’m fine’. It directly translated to ‘I have something in my mind but I’m not ready to tell you yet’ and _that_ was enough for Noiz to retreat his endless persecution.

A tug on the tie, a kiss on the cheek and a smile of farewell later, Aoba found himself alone in the house, in a space that reverberated of clean air and recurring outspoken thoughts.

“Hey, Ren,” he finally spoke after a fleeting moment of silence. “Do you think I’ve changed a lot since I moved here?”

Ren wagged his tail, striding close by Aoba’s leg before he looked up at him, even though Aoba was still looking at the opened window, at something that Ren couldn’t quite see.

“Aoba has grown,” he said, his voice deep and attentive as how Aoba remembered it to be.

“Really?” His reaction though, wasn’t what Ren had expected.

“Of course. Aoba has matured throughout the three years Aoba is living here.”

That was something Aoba knew. He’d be really disappointed in himself if he hadn’t been growing in that area.

“How about, you know…” he trailed off, lowering his head to give himself a quick look. “Physically.”

Ren tilted his head, seemingly considering what Aoba had just said. Then, shifting his attention to Aoba’s physique instead, he replied, “It’s the same.”

 _Same as usual_.

 _It’s the same_.

He knew he wasn’t able to grow like how Noiz did anymore. But there _must_ be some changes that his body was undergoing regardless of how many years were to pass.

He was human, after all.

…or was he?

The voice caught him off guard. Jolting his head up, he looked around, as if trying to find the source of the voice. The space of vacant; there was no one in it besides him and Ren. There shouldn’t be.

“Aoba?”

“Ah, oh. Oh, it’s okay, I’m fine,” he said. He didn’t like this feeling. He had been putting himself on the edge of the seat and he hated bearing insecurity like this. It should be a feeling that had long past his own conscious.

He must be thinking too much again. Taking a profound breath, he straightened himself up, putting his chest up and pulled up a perky grin.

“Well, time to get the day started, shall we? What do you want to do today, Ren?”

“More importantly, what does _Aoba_ wants to do?”

“Hmmm,” Aoba considered, slouching downwards to pick Ren up. “I thought of buying some accessories for the house. Oh yeah, we couldn’t find a toolbox when Noiz tried to fix the power box the other day, remember? Maybe we can head out to look for that.”

“Agreed. I can make a list if Aoba needs it.”

“Can I leave that to you?” Aoba smiled, ruffling Ren on the head.

“Sure.”

“Thanks, as always.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

His hair was pulled into a high ponytail, a few hair clips pressed between his lips. He might need to get a haircut soon, the length was growing a little bit too fast for his preference. But, as he settled his hair into place, he found an unconscious smile elevated at the corner of his lips: well, at least his hair was _growing_ , the one most notable change he could see in himself. It was pretty comforting, if he could say the very least.

With a jacket worn over his casual inner shirt, he slung his bag over his shoulder, with Ren snuggling comfortably in it, took one last look at the now completely empty space, and stepped out of the house.

Germany bore the best weather he wanted to be traveling in now. High sunlit clouds drifted across a clear blue sky, the landscape invading his vision blanketed with the warm glow of the sunlight. Every breath of fresh air he took cleared his melancholy mind ever so slightly, bathing him in both exhilaration and anticipation. This was what he needed – a temporary escape of the chain of his own mind and relooking into things that probably bore the least significance to every other person in this town.

A foreigner like him wasn’t the best person to be residing in this challenging town of courtesy. But now, as he walked past the fruit stall he often visited, smiles and waves of greeting were responded, friendly conversations were exchanged. He definitely felt more welcomed than when he first set foot into this place.

“ _Guten Tag_!” he said, as naturally as he could. Ren was still his most loyal assistance when it came to translating his words into phrases that the locals can understand. A few pointing down the streets alongside a few more directional gestures later, Aoba bowed at the beaming man behind the counter, then strode right down the street, heading to where he was directed.

“I didn’t expect the accessories shop to be located so far away from our apartment,” he said. “Probably we could wait for Noiz to visit it together? What do you think?”

“Since Aoba is already walking there, might as well just stop by,” Ren said in a robotic tone.

“Ah, haha, well, you’ve got a point there.”

Might as well, right? He hummed as he walked, along the streets filled with busy people attempting their daily efforts to make ends meet. Surrounding himself in busyness like this wasn’t something particularly new to him; it was the same in Midorijima, the only difference being him walking with more ease than when he was used to rushing for time back in his hometown. On days when he was to help Noiz out in his office, he’d find this bad habit of his whooshing back to him. But on casual days like this, he found himself taking a more laidback route, using his own sweet time to observe every details in the place – things that he might have missed out while he was too engrossed with his head filled with thoughts.

“How long more are we supposed to walk, Ren?” Half an hour later and the shop was still nowhere to be seen. Did he take the wrong turning somewhere, though? But even so, Ren would’ve warned him with his navigation up.

“The map shows another half an hour.”

“Are you for real…”

Now he _really_ thought he should be waiting for Noiz to venture into a deeper part of the city like this. At least he would have company instead of walking all by himself now.

“Ah.”

It happened all of a sudden. As he turned a corner, white light flashed past him, catching him off guard. He thought it was a car, dodging to one corner just so he could avoid the impact. But instead, he found himself staring at just another long stretch of German street, with nothing out of the ordinary.

“What’s wrong, Aoba?”

“Did you see that?”

Ren didn’t answer, but that was an answer by itself.

Was he imagining things? He looked around again. Where did that white light come from?

“There was this… flash.”

“There wasn’t anything unusual,” Ren responded, joining Aoba to look around the place.

“I’m sure I sa—ah, ouch!”

“Aoba!”

It happened again – the white light. He leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath. This time, the white light stayed in his vision; all he could see was a piece of blinding white, hitting directly into his eyes, hurting them, stabbing them. He could hear voices, but he couldn’t make out what it was saying – it was distant, too far-away for him to capture. When he tried, all he could make out was the word “ _me_ ” before he tuned out again.

“Aoba!”

Ren was biting on his jacket, pulling him back to reality.

“Are you okay?”

“Ren…” He hunched, hugging Ren into his arms. What was that? He felt treacherously at the edge of his life, as if he’d be thrown into a comatose state if he simply muttered a wrong way at that precise second.

“You don’t look very well, we should return.”

All Aoba could afford was a nod before he turned his heels into the opposite direction and headed into the course of his home.

The unusualness he’d noticed about himself had been present ever since he opened his eyes in the morning. He remembered it, but it wasn’t as weighty as it made him feel like today. For one – he was bearing thoughts that he never knew; thinking of things that had never crossed his mind. For the other – he was feeling this out-of-place sensation that constantly made him feel as if he was forgetting something; something that would give him the answer to the new, extraneous feeling he was experiencing now.

And while he walked his way home, the sentiment only strengthened, giving him a short-lived amnesia before he found himself staring at the door to their apartment, a face of stupor before Ren pulled at his jacket once again that he came back to his senses. He thought he lost himself for just a few seconds until when he opened the door that he realized himself feeling lightheaded from the sudden new scene, as if he had never known this place in the first place.

He collapsed on the couch, taking long, deep breath before he shifted his gaze to Ren, who was looking concernedly at him.

“Ren, something’s not quite right,” he confessed, the weight beneath his chest felt all the more heavier with every word he said.

“Aoba’s been like this for the whole day.”

“En,” Aoba nodded. “I feel… out of place.”

Ren slanted his head, staring at Aoba’s expression, as if scanning him in and out.

“Ren,” Aoba called again, a hand on his head, patting his fur, stroking it until he let out a small sigh. “Can you check my physical status? My brain, my body, anything.”

“Aoba suspects you’re sick?”

“I…” He swallowed down his throat, lifting his hand from Ren’s fur to stare at the palm. “I think it’s more than that.”

Ren remained silent, seemingly contemplating Aoba’s words over before he nodded. “Understood. I will conduct a thorough examination and contact Tae-san, if needed.”

“Granny?”

“Tae-san knows Aoba’s body condition the best.”

“I see. Yeah, you do that.”

With that, he let himself fall against the couch, closing his eyes and hoping that the feeling would eventually leave him alone. But his relief was short-lived as, in the next moment, the once-quiet space resonated with brash sound of his ringtone, immediately lurching him up.

“Aoba, it’s Noiz. Do you want to pick up?”

If he didn’t, Noiz would definitely worry about him.

“Okay.”

“`Aoba?”`

He felt like he hadn’t been listening to this very voice for the longest time ever. It was starting to scare him, the idea that he might be experiencing a temporary loss of memory resounding unceasingly in his mind.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“`No, just..."` Well, this is rare. Noiz seemed to be finding his words from over the phone while Aoba waited, thumb rubbing his temples. “`Are you free tonight?”`

He stopped fiddling with his head, sensing the weight in Noiz’s words.

“What’s the matter? Aren’t we having dinner together tonight?”

“`Yeah, we are.”`

Huh? Strange. What is he getting at?

“`But not at home.”`

“No more outside food, Noiz.” Three times. They’d used it all up for the week.

“`There’s a company function tonight and I was thinking if you want to be part of it.”`

A… what?

“Noiz, Aoba is not—“

“Ah, I see. In that case, okay then.” Aoba hurriedly covered Ren’s mouth, giving him an apologetic smile in the process.

“`Aoba?”` Noiz called out after a brief pause, in which Aoba pulled Ren into his lap and hugged him so tight Ren was almost suffocating.

“Hm?”

“`Is everything alright?”`

“Yeah, of course.” It was the same dialogue that had happened in the morning. Or did it? Did he not imagine what happened? Or was he simply getting a dejavu?

“…`okay, see you at home then.”`

“Wait, aren’t you staying there?”

“`What for?”`

“To help out, or something.”

“`To help _you_ out is my higher priority though. See you tonight.”`

An abrupt knock on the door was the last thing Aoba heard before Noiz cut the line off, leaving Aoba to stare at a blank hologram screen. He probably shouldn’t even come back. This way, he’d end up having to make double trips just so he could pick Aoba up. Aoba could definitely make his own way to Noiz’s working place; he’d been visiting every so often anyway. But now that Noiz had pulled up the offer to prepare for him, alongside the very fact that he wasn’t very himself at the moment, he thought perhaps he could allow himself to be pampered, just for this time.

Stretching loudly, he stood up, the surge of energy blooming inside him all over again as he walked to the bathroom. This was a good chance to distract him from his overloaded concerns. Perhaps this was exactly what he needed anyway and Noiz had just came in to rescue him without knowing it himself.

Nothing was wrong with him, he thought as he ogled into the mirror. He looked perfectly like himself.

Perhaps, a little _too much_ like himself.

And he didn’t need to wait too long either for him to hear Noiz on the door while he was attempting to tie his hair up in the bathroom. He was almost done – white shirt over his thin torso with grey slacks embellishing his legs and the dark-blue tie Noiz had hand-picked for him left hanging on the rack.

“Ah, Noiz! Sorry, didn’t hear you coming in.”

“That’s too dangerous,” Noiz said flippantly, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorframe. “What if it wasn’t me that’s walking in?”

“Haha, you’re being too cautious,” Aoba chuckled, stuffing the hair band in between his lips before he started pulling his hair up.

Noiz _really_ didn’t need to come back. Aoba would be fine by his own and they could’ve just met right away in Noiz’s office. But instead, he was here, his presence itself lifted the mood around the space. He constantly met Noiz’s gaze in the reflection of the mirror but he looked away almost instantly. The peculiar hunch was still pronounced in his chest and he wasn’t in the best confidence to meet Noiz upfront. But Noiz seemed to have noticed it when he walked towards Aoba, meandering his arms around Aoba’s waist before he pulled his torso over so that his back was hitting his chest.

“Haha, stop that, it tickles.” With his cheek pressed against Aoba’s neck, Noiz nuzzled against his skin, rubbing his face against smooth texture before he started blowing hot air at where Aoba’s nape was exposed.

“I can see you clearly from this angle,” he teased, eyes meeting Aoba’s in the mirror.

“Well, if you don’t let me go soon, it’ll take longer for me to prepare myself,” Aoba retorted with a pout.

“It’s fine,” Noiz said, sending a provocative lick along Aoba’s ear shell, leaving wet trails as he went. “We’ve got time.”

He wasn’t technically wrong, Aoba was soon to realize. He was not late, he’d had his sense of time grasped seamlessly well. Noiz was _early_ , and for reasons too obvious to overlook.

While Aoba tied his hair, struggling to keep strands in place, Noiz had helped himself with his white shirt, tracing playfully along the seams until both of his hands rested ultimately on Aoba’s chest, intense warmth radiated right beneath Aoba’s skin as he shivered on impulse from the sudden contrast of sensation.

“Noiz,” he called out, albeit weak. But all Noiz did was give him another suggestive lick on the neck before he pressed his palms harder against Aoba’s chest, where both of his protruding buds visibly stood.

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s really a good decision letting you out like this,” he muttered, voice truncated and chancy.

“What are you talking about? I’m wearing a coat on top of this too.”

“But when you’re not,” Noiz continued, fingers twirling both of Aoba’s nipples over his white shirt, earning himself a suppressed gasp from Aoba when he squeezed a bit too hard. “you’re basically seducing everyone you come in contact with.”

“No such thing,” Aoba swallowed down a moan. “ _You_ are the only one who would think this way. Now if you could just let me—wow!”

As if attempting to prove himself right, Noiz started unbuttoning Aoba’s shirt, every flick of finger eliciting a hitch of breath out of him.

“Keep doing what you’re doing,” Noiz raised a smirk, eyes lingering on Aoba’s half exposed torso.

“Are you really home to prepare me or—never mind, why am I even asking?” Aoba ended with a sigh. A hand still on his hair, he pulled the band, tightening it up with a firm wrap and almost pulling it entire off his hair when he felt Noiz’s coarse skin, now directly on his skin.

“So cold,” Noiz commented. “Cold shower?”

“It’s hot,” Aoba shivered, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

Noiz said nothing else after that. With direct skin contact against Aoba’s sensitive spots, he rubbed sporadically on them, all the while had his gaze fixed on Aoba’s reaction until the other closed his eyes, weight leaned against Noiz.

“We won’t have time tonight,” Noiz whispered fervently into Aoba’s ear. “The dinner is going to take the entire night.”

“We have tomorrow still,” Aoba managed a last struggle before the remnants of his voice got overtook by a snappish squeeze of Noiz’s fingers on the tip of his nipples.

“Tomorrow is too long to wait,” was all he heard before he found a hand lifting his chin up, urging him to open his eyes. “Look.”

And he did. He was already bloodshot on the face when he met Noiz’s eyes in the mirror, but that wasn’t where Noiz wanted him to focus on. His hands had returned to Aoba’s chest and when he was sure that Aoba was looking at what he intended him to look, he returned to twiddle with his nipples as a broadened smirk was pulled on his feature.

“Can you see?” His breath was hot against Aoba’s ear shell, as warm as the pair of hands on his torso or even hotter.

He didn’t know what Noiz was asking about. If he was implying how aroused Aoba looked like at the moment, then the quick avert of eyes had told him perfectly well the answer.

“Don’t look away,” Noiz let out a nimble chuckle. “You might not notice it yourself but if you look carefully,” a pinch on his right nipple, almost making him jump. “your right nipple is always more sensitive than the left.”

Completely intrigued, Aoba returned his gaze to the mirror, attempting to locate that very difference Noiz had just told him.

“It’s harder than the left. Look.” Attempting to emphasize his point, he pushed Aoba nearer to the mirror, lifting his waist up with one hand just so his torso was prodded outward, close to the glass material. “It’s standing just a bit firmer than the left.”

“W-why do you notice this kind of thing?” Noiz was observant, but this was definitely not something Aoba would expect him to tell him, at least not so blunt like this.

“It’s you, after all,” Noiz said, a bemused grin now replaced the mischievous one. “I take note of everything about you all these years.”

Ah, now that he mentioned it…

“And it’s always the same.”

“What is?” His heartbeats became louder in his ears, his fingertips grasping onto the sink trembled ever so slightly.

“Your body. It’s always the same.”

He swore it wasn’t intentional when he pushed Noiz away. Curtly and aggressively.

“What’s wrong?” Noiz’s eyes brightened, hands on Aoba’s waist.

“I… sorry!” he apologized out of instinct. There it was again – that out-of-place feeling.

“It’s fine. But…” Trailing at the end of his words, Noiz pushed himself forward, trapping Aoba in between his body and the sink. “You’ve been out of yourself today, are you sure you’re alright?”

“I…” How should he break this to Noiz? Would Noiz find him weird? Would Noiz understand? “There’s this… something weird I’ve been feeling lately.”

Noiz listened without a word.

But Aoba seemed to struggle with his own words as well. Without knowing how to put the tangled mess in his head into words, he looked away, his emotions a wreck.

“Is it really okay to stay the same all the time?” he mumbled, speaking to himself, wanting Noiz to be part of his thoughts.

“Is there a problem?” Noiz asked instead. “I wouldn’t mind you changing, but I don’t see you being the same a problem as well.”

“But you’re growing, you…” Aoba took a quick up-to-down glance at Noiz before he continued, “You’re different.”

“Well, that’s because I _am_ growing.”

“But I’m not.”

“You can’t anymore.”

“’Anymore’? Or if this is the most I can go?”

“Aoba,” Noiz started.

“It’s weird, Noiz, I can feel it. I don’t know how to explain but it’s… it doesn’t feel right.”

“Listen,” Noiz interrupted, clutching the whole of Aoba’s body and pulling him over, pressing their chests together in the process. “I don’t know what’s running through your mind but I _said_ that I’d figure something out if anything is to happen to you. It’s not normal – that migraine of yours, your background; nothing is. But does that matter?”

“Noiz…”

“Regardless of what it is,” Noiz smiled, his face inched closer towards Aoba while he closed his eyes insentiently, already feeling his boyfriend’s searing breath against his lips. “we’ll figure a way out together.”

He should’ve told Noiz earlier, for he knew the best way to comfort him, as always. Swamped in deep, warm kiss, he let Noiz kiss his frustration away, lick his insecurity away as he surrendered himself into his boyfriend scent.

Noiz was right – does it matter? He wasn’t showing any physical changes in his current state but it could probably be just the fact that he was growing old in a slow tempo that was the result to it.

He was thinking too much, and the only thing he should be more concerned right now – was how to present his best self in front of a group of high-profile businessmen, as Noiz’s boyfriend.

 

***

 

Attending formal occasions had become something common for Aoba over the years he was helping Noiz out with his business matters. Once in a while, he’d find himself in Noiz’s company, sitting in Noiz’s room and attempting to help him out with complicated presentation decks or statistical counts. And once in a blue moon, like now, he’d find himself gaping all over again at the extravagance he was staring at before Noiz rushed him in with a smile that spelled of nothing but a tease.

Being in this kind of high-class atmosphere had been something he was slowly but surely getting used to, but meeting people and professionally conjuring a smooth conversation like how Noiz did was still something that was completely out of his own league. He was fluent with German now, but he wasn’t fluent with human interactions. Not yet.

“Aoba-san!”

He turned upon hearing the voice; one that he didn’t need verification for. Drawing a wide smile, he accepted the other man’s hug without hesitation, feeling the fidgety from the man while he hugged him tight.

“Haha, Theo, you’re suffocating me.”

“Ah, sorry!” Theo exclaimed, hurriedly pulling a distance between them. “I’m just so excited to see you! It’s been such a long time!”

“Indeed. We’re both busy, after all,” Aoba returned his smile, feeling all the more relieved to see Theo’s cheerful front again.

“Don’t you need to take care of the guests?”

He’d almost forgotten that Noiz was standing right behind him when Theo threw himself at him. He sounded intimidating and one quick glance backward immediately told him that the same ol’ nerve of Noiz was being twitched all over again.

“Of course, but you need to help me out too, Brother!”

“No way,” Noiz responded gruffly. “I’m only here with Aoba because you said you wanted to meet him. We’ll be leaving soon.”

“Aww, how cold,” Theo sighed bitterly. “But it’s great to see you again, Aoba-san, I hope you’re doing well.”

Well? Of course he was well.

Nodding, he drew a brighter grin on his features. “I’m doing great.”

“That’s good to know,” Theo mirrored his smile. “I have to get going now. Have fun!”

He wasn’t even sure if Theo managed to catch his wave of hand before he throttled away, squeezing himself and disappearing right in the crowd.

“Ah, so that’s it,” Aoba mumbled, a dainty relief obvious on his face.

“What is it?”

“That Theo wanted to see me.”

“He’s been annoying me for some time about this now.”

“Are you _reaaaaally_ annoyed?” Aoba lifted a frisky smirk. “Don’t be jealous now, he’s your brother.”

“I’m not.”

“Really?”

“I—I’m getting you some drink. Wine?”

Aoba only smiled before he witnessed a frustrated-looking Noiz walking away to where the drinking stations were. Suddenly feeling at a loss of what to do, he found his way towards a corner, somewhere dimmer, before he leaned his body against it. He hadn’t been doing anything much but for some reason, this kind of event had always worn him out more than he expected it to be. Closing his eyes just for a moment to recapture his composure, he snapped them open when he heard someone approaching him, expecting it to be Noiz.

Just that it wasn’t.

“Hello, nice to meet you.”

Japanese. That was rare. The man before him was in a perfect three-piece, a wine glass in his hand. As Aoba focused better, he could make out that the man was probably in his late thirties, mid-forties at the max, shadowy wrinkles could be seen on his features as a gentle smile complemented his equally soft blue pair of eyes.

“Hello,” Aoba straightened himself up straightaway. “Nice to meet you.”

“Alone?” the man asked, elating one of his eyebrows with mild curiosity in his eyes.

“Ah, no, I’m with my partner.”

“Partner.”

The man seemed to be scrutinizing him from head to bottom, if Aoba’s hunch wasn’t translating the wrong information to him.

“Can I help you?” he asked instead. This was starting to make him feel uncomfortable. He knew he should be more polite, perhaps he should even try to strike a conversation up or something that would suggest courtesy but he wasn’t in the best state to do so, especially not when he felt an abrupt sense of nausea hitting him at the bottom of his stomach when he retreated to his safe zone just a few minutes ago.

“Ah, sorry for staring,” the man apologized with a smile. The placidity from before long gone, he walked closer towards Aoba, eyes still fixed unblinkingly on Aoba’s face. “I’m just wondering but, do you happen to know about the Platinum Jail incident that occurred a few years back in Midorijima?”

A loud alarm rang in Aoba’s ears, his eyes widened in shock as he stepped back, his back hitting the wall, trapping him with the stranger.

“It was quite a huge ruckus back then, isn’t it? Imagine such a huge corporation vanishing just like that. They had quite some great research back then as well. What a waste.”

“How do you know about this?” It shouldn’t come as a surprise. The Platinum Jail incident was huge, after all, it was no wonder that even people in this foreign society would’ve heard about it. But Aoba’s hunch was giving him a negative vibe in his nerves, his heart thumping savagely beneath his chest, cold sweat starting to form on his back.

“It was a big news, even more so when I used to work in there.”

Now every nerves of Aoba was threatening to snap in his body. Eyes widened in horror, he could only stare when the man walked towards him, closer and closer, until their faces were merely inches apart. He was obviously goggling at him now. When their eyes met, Aoba felt the migraine returning to him, hitting him directly on the back of his skull as he clenched his teeth, desperate for an escape.

“You look very familiar,” the man breathed, his gaze lingering from Aoba’s eyes to his nose, then ultimately his mouth. “Looks like the big specimen I used to face every second of my life a few years back. This nose, this mouth, this…” he paused, as if he’d discovered something remarkable before a smirk was winched up onto his face. “…face.”

“Stop, I’m not what you think I—“

“I won’t forget.” The man interrupted, with little to no intention to hear what Aoba had to say. “When you’ve been devoting your entire life to craft a face, you won’t be able to forget about it so easily. It’s like your baby, like a masterpiece you’ve created.”

His breath was stuck in his throat, his world was spinning. His migraine had reached the peak, he could feel the familiar menace to slice his head open there and then. Instinctively, he pushed against the man’s shoulders but to no avail. He could barely hear what the man was saying now, all that he felt was penetrating pain that was threatening to push him into a deep abyss.

“So, do you like to know how this face—“ a finger on his face, caressing his cheek, worshipping its texture. “—is made?”

It happened in an instant, his conscious being compellingly taken away from him. Before he knew it, darkness fell upon him as he lost his balance, his will to struggle, and found himself falling right into the man’s body; his world crumbled right before his very eyes.

This was bad, he could hear his own voice in his head, his conscious foggy. But he was powerless, his limit reached. He heard someone else talking to him from above him – “ _Did he pass out?_ ” – but had no intention whatsoever to respond. And then, he heard another voice –

\-- one that he was more than familiar with.

 


	2. You Are There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a persona he'd never knew; an existence he'd forgotten.  
> But he was also a memory that was once his, and one that was once an impact greater than anyone could imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, why is this supposedly one-shot so huge again.  
> I found a lot of details necessary so here we are - the next chapter would definitely be a lot of noiao moments though.  
> Enjoy!

The sound of lapping waves was nothing new to him. He’d heard him in his dream, in a memory far, far away. He knew the memory never left him, but he wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what happened at the time when he found himself entranced by it, lured into a sense of surrealism that he had yet to grasp the meaning of. It was the cool ocean breeze that had his eyelashes fluttering, vibrant sunlight penetrating his eyelids, giving him an illusion of being surrounded by golden sand that dazzled like millions of diamonds. The silkiness of the sand was the first thing he felt as he supported himself up with his elbows, fine grains of sand sticking onto his skin as he stood, hand hovering his eyes to conceal them from the bright sunlight.

Still in a daze, he looked around, attempting to grasp the situation when he heard footsteps, turning around to the source of voice and amazed to notice that he was facing none other but…

… _Him_.

That voice was him; every other hint pointed back to him. And all Aoba could do was nothing but stand, waiting as _he_ made his way towards him. Struggling was no hope, he understood it. Because this wasn’t his reality. But _his_.

“Why did you bring me here?” he asked when they came to a close distance, his memory returning to him bit by bit.

“To tell you an answer.”

“Answer?”

 _He_ lifted a smirk. “An answer you desperately want to know.”

It’d been a long time since he felt his presence – _years_ , precisely – and seeing him now, so very much alive and standing right in front of him when the only thing he knew about him was his voice was an intimidating thought. He’d stayed put for the longest time now, so why did he decide to resurface now? Just to tell Aoba an answer, or was there something else?

Something more?

With every second that had passed, the sand below their feet seemed to have shifted, dissolving, slowly but surely, into nothingness. Aoba stood, eyes penetrating, the lapping waves sounded like the ticking of a countdown clock, one that never told them of the time, and one that was demanding them to move on. It was when the sea breeze rustled through his hair in a ferocious way that he found himself being hit by a sudden wave of darkness – everything was muted; no more sound, no more vision.

Nothing.

 

 

* * *

 

The next time a fraction of light invaded his vision, he realized that he was standing in a corner of what seemed like an operation room. Many people with white robes surrounded the operation table, some rushing around the place, some staring fixedly at what seemed like two tiny bodies in the centre of the table.

“We’re losing one of them.” Aoba heard one of the men said. He was about to walk closer, just so he could take a good glimpse of what they were working on when a voice resounded in his head – the same voice.

He did as he was told, even though he had no idea why. It didn’t take him too long to notice that none of the people in this room could see him; every one of them walked past him as if he was just another shadow in the corner, none of them seemed to be paying attention to him either.

“It’s no use,” another man said, voice rushed, after what seemed to be a few minutes later. “The pulse is gone.”

“Let’s try harder.” This time, it was the voice of a woman, one Aoba thought sounded familiar. “Get the injection.”

“ _It’s no use_ ,” the man from before emphasized, voice raised. “He’s gone.”

“I said, _let’s try harder_.” Even from a distance, Aoba could clearly see how a pink-haired woman was glaring at the man, eyebrows knitted together as sweat trickled down her cheek, damping the mask she was wearing.

And so they did. Aoba had absolutely no idea what they were doing, their bodies concealing his vision, but he could hear the ‘beep, beep’ sound loud and clear, one that was slowing down with great speed, pushing Aoba’s heart to his throat at great extent.

Then, the pulse dropped, replaced by a long tone that could only signify one thing.

“He’s gone,” a man said, while every other person in the room stopped their motion, merely staying at the table. “Let’s take care of the other before we lose him too.”

He didn’t know what had brought his action but before he knew it, Aoba was pacing hurriedly towards the table, trying to catch a glimpse of exactly _what_ this group of people was struggling with but all he could see was a pair of white-coloured toddlers with black marks all over their body before his world crushed before his very eyes, painting his vision with black and muting his hearing all over again.

The voice sounded so far yet so near but Aoba no longer felt the need to deny it any longer. He was in _his_ reality after all and whatever he was doing to Aoba must meant something that Aoba had still yet to grasp.

As quick as it disappeared, he heard the gurgling and gushing of waves again. Untouched golden sand blanketed the floor as far as he could see, the smell of salty sea invading his nose as he did so much as taking a breath.

He looked around, expecting to see _him_ again but to no avail. As he was about to lift a foot, he heard rushed and loud footsteps from behind him, urging him to turn around again, just to feel a small child running _through_ him, as if he was just another shadow.

Just like before.

The blue-haired boy ended up in a far corner of the beach, slouching with hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He was barefooted, his hair dishevelled, and even without the need to see Aoba knew that his cheeks must be puffed red as well. For the entire time Aoba was deciding if he should walk closer just so he could take a better look at the child, the other kept his longing gaze at the ocean, doing nothing but stare, visibly amazed. Eventually, the boy collapsed and sat on the sand, hugging his knees, eyes still fixed on the sea. Taking that as a cue for action, Aoba took quiet, careful steps towards him, then sitting right beside him, a small curve lifted on the corner of his lips as the realization fell upon him.

His younger self – a past he’d never come to know very well. There weren’t any photos of him in the house; there weren’t many family photos either, but he felt the urge to know, the truth now unveiling layer by layer right in front of him.

If his speculation was right, then he should be meeting  _him_ any time now.

“Ahh, the sea is really huge and beautiful, right?”

He turned his head the same time as his younger self did, eyes brightening when he saw who was standing in a distance not far away from them.

He hadn’t been meeting his father ever since he made sense of the world. Sometimes, he wondered if the existence of his father was a pure illusion but now that he was practically staring at the person, a physical presence, nonetheless, he could only gape, gazing klutzily as he swallowed down his throat, the memories flashing past his head, bit by bit.

His father was everything he imagined him to be – the smile he put up on his face, his carefree yet soothing voice a good complement to the sound of waves, and his gaze, which was staring at him in such a gentle way that it almost made him think that he could see him for real.

 

“ _Everything can change, nothing is exactly the same._ ”

“ _You’re the only one who really knows what you are running away from._ ”

“ _Nothing’s good or bad about the choices you make. And who says that you can only make one choice?_ ”

 

His words flowed into Aoba like a mantra, settling on top of his heart and eventually wrapping it in a tight, warm hug. It was as if he was speaking to Aoba instead of his younger self, his voice constricted in his own throat, the wave of bewilderment hitting him like a wild tsunami.

This was part of his forgotten memories – the words his father used to tell him; those were part of the things that he’d come to forget. But now, as he let them sink and flow through his veins, he suddenly realized what his father was trying to tell him, and how relatable they were despite the big gap of differences between his younger self and his present self.

Everything can change, including himself, and that was totally fine.

He was the only one who truly knew what he was running away from, and subconsciously, he’d been running away from the truth of his identity and his past all these years, until reality came back to haunt him again that he got a vicious slap on his face.

There was more than one choice that he could make and regardless of what it was, it was nothing good or bad, he just needed to move on from his own decision.

If he choose to keep the truth away from himself now, he might risk having a tough time to have his unknown past chasing after him and eventually engulfing him into eternal darkness. If he choose to know the truth now, he probably would have more time to figure out what to do with himself, and with people around him – people he loved.

The voice resounded in his head again.

Did he, really?

But then he was reminded of the time when he was separated by his parents, something that was never his decision. He was reminded of the time when he was separated by Koujaku, a person he thought was the biggest, toughest pillar of support he could obtain. Every one of these memories was flooding his mind, drowning him in a state of void where all he could do was listen to the voice in his head, thinking, realizing, deciding.

“You’re wrong,” he finally spoke. _He_ was right to a certain extent, but he didn’t acquaint people, build bonds with them just to separate himself with them in the end of the day. He’d hoped, but was disappointed; that was a steel-hard fact of its own. But on the other side of the coin, he’d hoped again, and then, his hope was returned, with Noiz.

The voice rang again, causing Aoba to brighten his eyes for just a tad. It was then that he noticed that he was back in Midorijima, but one quick glance around told him that this Midorijima didn’t seem like the Midorijima he used to know.

 

“ _Finally he’s defeated._ ”

“ _Well, a warrior would need to fall at the end of the day anyway, today is the day._ ”

 

He rushed to the centre of the commotion, shocked to see that the very person lying where everyone was surrounding him was none other but _himself_.

Everything was returning to him, bit by bit. He remembered waking up in the hospital, his memory gone, everything wiped clean. He remembered walking home, having no clue whatsoever of who he really was. He remembered his grandmother patting him on the head as he laid on the bed, eyes blank, staring at the ceiling.

And he remembered getting his headache ever since, completely forgotten that he’d sealed off another persona of him unintentionally.

 _He_ was right. He separated himself from _him_ , and he didn’t even realize it until today.

Whatever that had happened after that were memories that belonged to him. He remembered them clear as day – how he went to look for a job, how he ended up in Heibon, how he greeted Koujaku back after his decade-long separation, how he heard of Rib, eventually Rhyme, how he was dragged into a drive-by out of his own conscious and how, ultimately, he’d met Noiz for the first time ever.

At this point, the voice was acting like a reminder more than anything one, one that had Aoba gripping on the edge of his chair as he waited – for something he already knew would happen.

 _Separation_.

He still remembered Noiz’s three-month separation with him as if it’d just happened yesterday. He remembered how heart-wrenching it was, how he needed nothing more than an answer and how desperate he was for anything that could be related to Noiz. If there was one separation that his memory served him right, it was definitely that.

Seeing scenes of himself crouching over the counter of Heibon or merely staring into space in his own room during the whole long months of separation was painful to watch. The feeling reignited at him, acting like an effective reminder of how he once felt when his world crumbled before his very eyes with the absence of Noiz. The unknowns exasperated him – he didn’t know why Noiz left and what he should do to look for him or even what he should do to move on from there.

His life was thrown into a whirlpool of confusion and lost.

But these were all in the past. He’d moved on then – with Noiz – when he returned. They were living a satisfactory life in Germany now, with no more separation to come into view.

…or was it?

 

“ _There might be a happily-ever-after for you now but it’s still a long journey for me_.”

 

Before he knew it, he was back on the beach – where everything started.

There was a subliminal hint of sorrow when _he_ said that but as his outline came into view, becoming more and more distinguished with every passing second, Aoba realized that none of his facial expression was suggesting that.

“Why did you do this?” he asked.

“I told you – to tell you the answer you wanted.”

He couldn’t quite understand. Did he manage to find an answer from this time lapse experience?

“You don’t understand.” _He_ seemed to read his thoughts.

Aoba shook his head, completely honest. If _he_ was going to spell it out for him, might as well stop beating around the bushes.

“ _Separation_ ,” _he_ said in a low tone, the mere word hitting right into Aoba’s chest like a hammer sticking a nail into it.

“And your point is?” Did he really need to ask, though? What was _he_ implying?

He wanted to know the answer but he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

“I don’t know about you, it’s all up to you. But you’re going to experience one more time again.”

What was _he_ implying, _exactly_?

“With me.”

Aoba’s eyes brightened, his breath stuck in his lungs.

“What do you mean?” he asked again, heartbeats thumping loudly in his ears.

“When you wake up, you’ll separate me from you again, acting like I don’t exist, that the only presence you need in your life is yourself and Restraint.”

He never knew a lot about himself, but this was definitely a level far ahead of what he was expecting.

“And me,” _he_ paused, just to release a sarcastic chuckle. “would just be another one of your forgotten memories.”

“I remember,” Aoba reaffirmed. “I remember what happened to me in the past. I remember about father, about Rhyme, about… about you.”

 _His_ eyebrows lifted, just ever so slightly before he leaned forward, lips curled into a mischievous grin.

“You’ll forget about me soon.”

“I won’t.”

“You will,” _he_ retorted. “We’ll become one. All your memories will return to you. It’s about time, anyway.”

“What…” He almost felt stupid for asking so many questions.

“You couldn’t afford to have your consciousness separated into difference portions anymore, it’s far too stressful for you.”

 _Consciousness?_ What was that supposed to mean?

“I’d need to balance us back if I want you to live.”

“Wait,” Aoba lifted a hand, stopping _him_ from continuing. “You mean to say that, you’re another _me_ living in my head? As part of me?”

“You’ll know soon, I guess, but you’re right.” _His_ smirk deepened, _his_ nose just inches away from Aoba’s. “I’m your _desire_.”

Aoba had absolutely no idea what was going on – everything was a mess, and whatever this Desire person said heavily implied that there were different fractions of him living in his mind.

It was as if he was crazy from the very beginning.

“You’re normal, though, for the abnormal state your very existence is.” _His_ explanation sounded like nothing more than another riddle and it was starting to give Aoba a major headache.

“Whatever you said about consciousness,” he started, attempting to reaffirm the composure he was so close to losing. “if you intend to balance it… or whatever, back, that only means that you would become one with me, no?”

Desire merely stared without a word, which had given Aoba his answer anyway.

“Then that’s not really a separation,” Aoba elevated a bright grin. “That’s coming home.”

 _He_ clearly couldn’t understand where Aoba was coming from as he stared inanely at Aoba for a few moments before he broke into a loud laugh.

“It’s okay,” he said, almost choking on his own laughter. “Separation is nothing bad.”

Aoba tilted his head, confusion graced his features.

“Like what dad said, ‘ _nothing’s good and bad with the choices you make_ ’. At the end of the day, all we really cared about is to protect ‘Aoba’, anyway.”

“But you’re Aoba too, no?”

“Me?” He stared down, looking at the gradual motion of sand shifting under his feet. “I wish.”

“ _You are_.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

As if triggered, a deep frown appeared on Aoba’s face as he rushed towards Desire, grasped both of his hands and squeezed them.

“I can tell.”

Desire was only momentarily surprised before he let out a smile; one that was nothing sinister from what he’d been portraying all this time now.

“You and Sei,” he mumbled, eyes fixed on their hands. “Same.”

Aoba wanted so much to ask who Sei was but before he could do that, Desire had pulled himself off his grip, turning his back towards Aoba and walked away, without another word.

“Hey!” Aoba called out. He ran towards him, wanting to pull him back but a few steps later, he found himself stepping on a piece of black sea instead of the silky fine sand, urging him to stop as he looked around again.

His world was crumbling, like glasses shattering into pieces, reflecting his thoughts, his past, his forgotten memories, and…

…his present.

 

* * *

 

 

He was on his back when he woke, eyelashes fluttering as he opened his eyes, the tall ceiling being the first thing he saw. It took a few moments for him to recall what happened and it too another few minutes for him to push himself up when he heard footsteps nearing him, gradually picking up speed.

“You’re awake.”

He lifted his heavy head, face broke into a smile when he noticed who he was looking at.

“Noiz…”

“Are you okay?” Noiz asked, sitting by his side and supporting him up by tugging onto his arm.

“Yeah. What happened?” Aoba asked, hugging his head with both hands as he massaged his temples with his thumbs.

“You collapsed in the function,” Noiz explained, the pat he gave Aoba on his back gentle but concerned. “We – more like, Theo – found you laying on the floor with another man.”

Man? Aoba thought. It must be the person who’d confronted him earlier.

“What happened to the man?”

“No idea. Brought him over to another room.”

Aoba looked away, returning his gaze to the carpeted floor. The last thing he’d heard before he was brought into that very weird dream was a voice, low and husky, that had muttered a word – ‘ _Disappear_ ’ – that sounded quiet enough for outsiders but loud enough to vibrate in Aoba’s head. The remnants of the voice still echoed loudly in his head, and whenever he was to close his eyes, he could still see the sharp gaze of the man who’d just talked to him a few minutes ago, and the way he walked away when Aoba was about to throw him more questions.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Noiz asked, apprehension visible on his face.

“For now,” Aoba admitted. “Ah, Ren.”

“He’s here.” With that, Noiz pulled Ren out from his bag, pushing it towards Aoba’s opened hands.

“Ren,” Aoba lifted a tender smile.

“Aoba, you don’t look so good,” Ren commented, stretching his short neck forward just so he could give Aoba a lick on his cheek.

“I guess so,” Aoba chuckled bitterly. Physically, he was more than fine; but mentally, he felt as if his mind was ran over by a truck, shattering it into pieces and leaving him to search and return the pieces to where they belonged.

“This might not be a good time but I have some news from Tae-san that Aoba might be delighted to know,” Ren continued, with an attempt to cheer Aoba up.

“Granny? What’s with Granny?”

“About the check-up Aoba requested…”

“What check-up?” Noiz interrupted, shooting both Aoba and Ren a deepened look of exasperation.

“Aoba requested to conduct a thorough physical check-up for him. And I suggested to consult Tae-san since Tae-san knows Aoba’s body the best.”

“Is this what you haven’t been telling me lately?” Noiz scowled, inching closer towards Aoba so he could wrap him into a one-arm hug.

“I’m sorry, Noiz, I don’t want to exaggerate this. I wanted to make sure that everything’s fine before I tell you,” Aoba apologized as he brought Ren closer, pressing his back against his chest.

“What if it’s not fine? What if it’s too late when you discover it?”

“That’s not it,” Aoba responded frantically. “It’s not like I’m sick or anything. It’s just… I feel weird, that’s all, and I can’t even explain it properly why exactly do I feel so, let alone explaining it to you.”

“So do you feel better now?” Noiz asked the question that mattered the most.

Aoba, however, closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and relieving it out before he answered,

“I think I’m aware of the answer but I need more conviction, which is what Ren is about to tell me, right?” he ended with a smile thrown at his AllMate.

Ren nodded. “Tae-san said that she’d like to talk to you and Noiz, face-to-face.”

The weight returned to his chest, but with Noiz’s firm grasp on his hand, he knew that it was only a matter of time before the very same weight was lifted off.

 

* * *

 

 

The trip home was surprisingly quiet, none of them knowing what to say to each other. Aoba figured that Noiz would probably be in a deeper confusion than himself; the issue dropping on his head in such an abrupt way. But he wasn’t in the best state to explain either. Without a proper clarification, explanations would eventually lead to more questions that he had no answers to. Tae would probably be the best person to melt this rigid tension between them; and the very fact that she wanted to talk to both of them, at the same time, had told Aoba enough that this was not another how-are-you type of conversation.

The moment they walked into the room, Noiz strode right towards the couch, with Aoba following tensely from behind him. He watched as his boyfriend drew his AllMate out of his suit pocket, hugging his own AllMate on his lap at the same time as he held his breath when the hologram screen popped up from the green cube’s head, projecting what seemed to be a dialling screen.

Every ring, every second passed pounded a pinch of intense tension right into Aoba’s chest. His ribcage vibrated with every loud thumping of his heart, his throat constricted with pent up exasperation. He wondered what took him so long to spell his questions about his past (or even his identity, in this case) at his grandmother, and what took his grandmother so long to tell him what he should’ve known ages ago.

Noiz was no better. Even though his eyes were fixed on the screen, he was visibly anxious himself, the thin scowl in between his eyebrow and the unconscious twirling of his fingers had been an obvious indication. It was when Aoba took a deep breath that a click resounded across the space, freezing all his action at the same time.

“Granny?” he broke the silence, voice croaked.

Tae was sitting on the couch in Aoba’s home back in Midorijima, her expression was one that told Aoba that whatever he was to hear must not be as pleasant as he expected it to be. Despite the weird dream he had earlier, he still held this very feeble hope within him, wanting someone to prove him wrong.

Until he saw Tae releasing a sigh, then accompanied by a stern expression that his bubbles exploded into nothingness.

“I’ve heard from Ren,” she said, going right into the point.

Aoba wasn’t sure where he should be looking at – Noiz, or Tae. In the end, he concentrated on his grandmother, focusing on every word she said and every expression she portrayed.

“Are you feeling alright, Aoba?” Tae asked instead.

“I’m… I guess I’m fine now.”

“Earlier?”

“He collapsed in the middle of a function,” Noiz answered instead, assuming that Aoba was having difficulties talking for himself. “Is there any implication to this?”

“Hmmm,” Tae pursed her lips, her eye closed, but just momentarily. “What happened when you passed out, Aoba?”

Aoba’s eyes brightened. Did Tae know what he experienced? Did Tae know about the dream? About _him_?

“I saw a dream. Or more like…” This time, it was Aoba’s turn to close his eyes, trying to reminisce the encounters in his dream. “…memories.”

Tae hummed again. She didn’t seem at all surprised but she was obviously considering her words when she spoke again, little by little.

“Listen, Aoba, I’m not sure how you, or rather, how _both_ of you are prepared for this.” Her voice was slightly hushed, but sounded important nevertheless. “It’s about you – your past and who you _really_ are.”

Both Noiz and Aoba exchanged glances out of reflex. Obvious hint of contradiction could be observed from Noiz’s eyes, Aoba was soon to notice. But he drew a frown in between his eyebrows, a sign of determination, and nodded, which was soon returned by Noiz’s own nod of confirmation.

“We need to know this sooner or later anyway,” Noiz spoke instead, reaching out to pull Aoba over by the waist so that he could hold Aoba in his arms. “Regardless of what, I’d prefer to know the truth over what seemed to be a deception.”

“How do you know it’s a deception?” Tae asked, her expression unchanged.

Noiz, though, lifted a suggestive smirk before he shot a quick sideway glimpse at Aoba.

“A hunch, probably.”

“Hmm,” Tae stared suspiciously at the both of them, but in the end, she huffed, crossing his arms as she leaned back for just a little. “It’s a good thing you noticed after both of you have been together for so long, I guess. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Is it supposed to be noticeable,” Aoba gaped. “Like, something physical or…?”

“Calm down,” Tae reprimanded. “Physical is one thing, but the chemistry both of you share must have been a better hint.”

“Oh.” So physical _should_ be a thing. Tae’s confirmation did nothing but exasperating Aoba further.

“First of all, I cannot be hundred percent sure about your condition but you do remember me telling you about me working for Toue before as a researcher?”

Aoba nodded, accompanied by Noiz, who’d just gripped him tighter on the hand. He must’ve figured that Aoba needed it, seeing how he was just struck by the thought of him meeting a _real_ researcher from the Toue.inc just a few hours ago.

He wondered if Tae knew about him?

“And you remember about the neural project that was carried out and me being part of it?” Tae was asking again, which Aoba could only respond with another nod. It was a shock when he first knew about it, but he’d come to accept it and letting the fact cool down at the back of his mind.

Tae paused then, a gesture that Aoba hadn’t expected, but also one that told Aoba gaudy enough that she was about to say something mind-breaking, or perhaps disconcerting.

“The neural research I was working on…” she trailed off at the end of her words, seemingly struggling to find the right term. “…was for you.”

What?

He couldn’t quite understand. What did she just say? For him? What did she mean by that?

He felt Noiz hitching a breath by his side, turning around just to see his eyes darkened with a face of complication. Did Noiz understand what Tae was saying?

“Granny,” he called out, a desperate attempt for comfort.

Tae, however, took a deep breath, crossing her hands on her lap before she continued,

“I should’ve told you earlier but I thought things would grow stable the longer you’re to get used to it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have no evidence to what would happen to an experiment,” she said, pretending that she hadn’t heard anything Aoba said. “Truth be told, I don’t even know how you had come to grow so normally. I guess it’s a good stroke of luck at this point.”

Luck? Don’t kid with him. Was he expected to live under the blessing of luck for the rest of his life?

“There’s no evidence that he wouldn’t grow normally like any other human being, either,” Noiz spoke for the first ever time since they started this intense conversation. “The possibility isn’t zero. Am I right, Grandma?”

“Yeah,” Tae responded without a second thought. “They are formulated to look, act, feel, and live like any other human being anyway, with complete flesh and blood to accompany the set. The only difference is the power – Scrap, as you have known – they have. Other than that, there’s really not much differences.”

“There’s a possibility that they may outlive humans too, am I right, Grandma?” Noiz continued asking, his voice as impassive as his expression.

“That’s right too,” Tae snorted. “He could probably live as young as your grandchildren.”

“Then there’s nothing to worry about,” Noiz concluded, leaning back against the couch as he, finally, lifted a smile. “That’s all I need to know.”

“Noiz?” Aoba stared, astounded. He was still dumbfounded by the truth but seeing Noiz taking it in such a carefree manner threw him off his feet. He wasn’t human, but Noiz didn’t seem to care the slightest. Instead, he was more concerned of how far Aoba could live and perhaps even the fact that if he would drop dead now. Aoba didn’t know what Noiz was thinking most of the time but it was times like this that he found himself admiring Noiz all over again – for his composure and how he often could bring himself to focus only on the things that mattered.

“We’re going to die eventually, anyway,” Noiz said with eyes closed. “I’d only be concerned if you’re to tell me that you have some kind of chronic disease that would take you away from me in days rather than the fact that you’re just a bit different from the rest of us. Well, you’re different anyway, that’s why I fell for you,” he ended with a playful smirk.

“This is no time to joke around,” was what Aoba wanted to tell Noiz but he ended up gaping at him, the anxiety of him being _abnormal_ long forgotten.

“He has a point, Aoba,” Tae convinced. “Regardless of who you are, you’re still the Aoba we know. That’s how I’ve been seeing you all this while, that’s why I don’t feel the need to break this truth to you. But seeing the fact that you’re noticing that something isn’t quite right with you, I thought perhaps it’d be a good measure to know rather than to be hidden in the dark.”

“Thank you for that, Grandma,” Noiz appreciated. “He does look the same for a long time now but it doesn’t bother me the slightest.”

“H-hey,” Aoba blushed, elbowing him as he did. “But Granny, isn’t it weird that I’m not changing at all? I’ve been the same for a long time now.”

“You always have great metabolism, I’m not surprised at all,” Tae huffed.

“Really?”

“You seriously have no idea how much you ate on a daily basis when you were back home? Koujaku can be the best witness.”

“Ah, haha,” Aoba laughed. He was right, the weight in his chest seemed to have vanished halfway through this conversation; the once-serious discourse had now turned into one of a reminiscence.

“Separation is a routine, remember that,” Tae said, pulling Aoba’s attention back to her. “You’ve been through those, you should be familiar with them by now.”

“I do,” Aoba smiled a bright feature. “I remember everything now. How I was abandoned in the church by the sea, how my parents found me and left me alone with you, how I abandoned my rationale self and let my reckless self took over me; I remember everything.”

“Even to that extent?” Tae asked, eyes bright.

“Yeah, it sorta… well, came back to me now, after I met him.”

“Him… oh.” Realizing something, Tae gawped, paused for a short moment then pulling a smile at Aoba. “You’ve met him. Tell him I’m sorry if you meet him again.”

“I’m not sure if I would meet him again, though,” Aoba smiled bitterly. “But I’ll remember that.”

“Who’s ‘him’?” Noiz interrupted.

“Ah, I’ll explain to you later.” Aoba’s response was definitely not one Noiz preferred. “Okay then, Granny, thank you for telling me the truth of who I really am. You’re right, Noiz is right. It doesn’t matter, right?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t. You are no different,” Tae agreed with what sounded like a huff.

“I’ll try to remember that.”

But even when he said that, his expression when he lowered his head for just a tad was too obvious for both Noiz’s and Tae’s eyes. It can’t be helped, after all. This wasn’t another matter that was an everyday thing one heard on the news. Aoba could be the only experiment left by Toue and who knew what would happen if one of the subordinates, like one that Aoba had met in the function earlier, resurfaced and relocated him again? Would he need to make a run, then? Or how would he face it?

Not to mention that infinity possibilities were running in this very body he possessed, the fact that his consciousness was divided into different parts wasn’t something settling for the mind either.

It was only when they hung up the call that he let himself loose, slumping on the couch and gazing vacuously at nothing, until Noiz nudged him on the shoulder that he came back to himself, attempting to pull another grin which was then stopped by a light peck on the lips.

“I’ve got something to show you.”

“Huh? What is it?” Aoba asked, curious.

But little did he know that whatever Noiz was about to show him worked like the best soother in his entire world, as if having Noiz alone wasn’t enough.

 


	3. We Are Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever wondered if what you remember are real?  
> Have you ever considered the possibility of your mind playing tricks on you?

Memories were imperceptible, he was quick to realize. Regardless of how well a person’s memory was to be, there was no way they could remember absolutely everything – every moment – of their life. That was why it terrified Aoba. He could wake up in the morning, doubting if the life he’d been living thus far was merely an illusion, a dream or reality. He could look at Noiz for long minutes, wondering if this person in front of him was real, that it was a concrete truth that he’d followed this very person to Germany; to start over a new life that he never deemed possible.

Memories were unreliable; even more so when he himself had no sturdy proof whatsoever that whatever he had experienced was a truth that he’d come to believe in just so he wanted to. He wasn’t even sure if the memories he’d believed all this time was his and not of another person’s. Everything was mystifying him; even more so when he came to realize who he really was, of his entire identity, of how _inhuman_ he was.

But Noiz and Tae had both told him that it was fine even when he wasn’t the same as others. He was still Aoba and whatever that he held in his head must be real because everyone around him was referring to him as ‘Aoba’ and he couldn’t be anyone else but ‘Aoba’.

This whole thought was gratuitous. He only felt out of place for a split second and he started to doubt his entire existence and identity as if he’d gotten himself into a sort of amnesia state that he knew that was all the fruits of his excessive considerations.

Taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes, letting his mind calm as he sat on the bed where Noiz had led him into after their conversation with Tae. He’d put Ren into sleep mode then, figuring that this moment should be reserved between himself and Noiz. He owed Noiz a lot of explanation; perhaps even for questions that he had yet to find the answers. But Noiz didn’t seem at all concerned about if he was ‘real’ or not, the one word that had been haunting his mind the entire time now. He looked at him with determination steady in his eyes, spoke to him as if he was talking with the most important person in the world, which Aoba knew he was. And now, when he sat by his side, urging him to open his eyes to look at him, he was wearing this affectionate expression on his face that told Aoba that this very features were reserved exclusively for him.

“I…” he started, even though he had no idea what he should tell Noiz. “I’m sorry.”

What came out of his mouth was an apology he didn’t know the reason for. He simply felt as if he had cheated Noiz, disappointed him even, now that Noiz had come to realize that Aoba wasn’t as normal as he thought he was.

“Why are you apologizing?” Noiz asked. There weren’t any signs of misgivings in his tone; simply genuine, gentle concern.

“I… don’t know,” Aoba said, speaking his mind out. “I just feel that perhaps this wasn’t what you signed up for when you decided to be involved with me.”

All Noiz did was giving Aoba a look that spelled strappingly of bewilderment before he elevated a smile, then wrapping Aoba into an embrace.

“I wasn’t expecting anything when I decided to call you my partner,” he said, voice husky by Aoba’s ear. “To be honest, I’m more concerned of how much I could do for you over who are you as a person.”

It startled Aoba to how Noiz could take the entire situation in such an off-the-cuff way. Was Noiz not surprised? Was Noiz taking the truth well? Or was he simply portraying a composure just so he wouldn’t worry Aoba?

“But, it’s still not anything normal,” Aoba defended, returning Noiz’s hug and burying his head against Noiz’s shoulder. “I can’t tell what’s real and not real anymore. This body, how long can it last? How much more can I feel?”

At this point, he was merely pouring his thoughts out, trying to make sense of things, trying to find a solution and Noiz merely patted the back of his head, his own thinking buzzing his thoughts.

“It’s pretty ironic,” he heard Noiz chuckle. “Remember when I was the one who thought of myself as a monster?”

Of course he remembered that – _he_ was the one who’d proved him wrong after all. He’d never expected their position to switch now – when he thought of himself far from being human and Noiz to be the one who’d crush that insecurity down for him.

“Normal or not, it doesn’t matter,” Noiz said. “Everyone dies at the end of the day anyway.” Pulling their distance apart just so he could watch Aoba on the face, he smiled, swiping the strands of hair off Aoba’s hair to catch sight of his beautiful light-brown orbs. “Who knows, I might walk out of the house and get caught in an accident tomorrow. Or I could find myself in a burning building with no place to escape. Or--“

“Shhh,” Aoba quickly pressed a hand against Noiz’s mouth, stopping him from continuing. “Don’t say things like that.”

Noiz smirked. Pulling Aoba’s hand away, he pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes as if reminiscing something before he started again.

“Many years back, I’d never imagine myself to make it this far. I, a person who can’t feel, who would’ve drop dead any second I take the wrong step. But look at where I am now. Not only that I’m still very much alive, I’m also able to feel you; everything you give me, your touch—“ he paused to kiss Aoba on the tip of his nose. “—your warmth… I still remember the first time when I felt how warm you are - when you first touched me in the hospital. It was what told me that this is how being alive supposed to be; that you’re able to feel another person’s presence so clearly like this, and that you’re able to return that favour, making the other person feel your presence just like how he makes you feel. Isn’t that being alive? Isn’t that what _you_ have taught me?”

It was unfair for Noiz to use his own words against him. He knew Noiz’s tendency for intimacy was far beyond him being in his natural habitat; it was a proof of being alive for him and that was why Aoba was able to find himself tolerating his flow at times. He’d known Noiz more than he expected himself to. Noiz wasn’t too hard to understand either, he was simply a brat who hid nothing from Aoba – from words to actions; everything.

“So I don’t think you need to worry about whatever changes or not, or even who would outlive who. I think that’s totally beyond our control and it’s no point for us to worry over it,” he ended with a small chortle, in which Aoba soon found himself staring into a pair of eyes filled with darkened lust. “How about we make use of every second we have now and do whatever we could instead of worrying about the unknowns?”

“I know that look, brat,” Aoba pouted, but was immediately replaced by a chuckle as he ruffled Noiz’s hair. “I thought we wouldn’t have time for this tonight.”

“Thanks to your sudden collapse, we have ample of time for ourselves now,” Noiz returned with a suggestive smirk.

“Are you saying that’s a good thing?” Aoba mirrored Noiz’s smirk, only that his was way more provocative than the other.

“Hmmm, well thanks to that I get to learn the truth about you,” Noiz responded, encircling his arms around Aoba’s waist, a good enough body language to imply where he intended to take their conversation to.

Truth be told, it still stung Aoba a tad when Noiz put the matter in such an upfront way. But what was meant to be the truth would be the truth and there wasn’t anything he could do to change it either. He was only grateful that people around him saw him as nothing but Aoba despite how ridiculous this entire reality could be. Noticing the hesitance on his face, Noiz leaned him, giving him a quick peck on the lips before he whispered,

“How about you take the lead today?”

“Wh-what?” _That_ seemed to have done its job to distract him.

“Take the lead,” Noiz repeated. “Trying this body out,” he said with hands stroking the curves of Aoba’s waist.

“What do you mean by that?” Aoba asked, still at a loss of what Noiz was implying.

Releasing a dainty breath, Noiz proceeded to pull his tie loose, ultimately pulling it off and placing it in one corner before he worked on getting rid of all of his garments. Aoba stared in disbelief when he worked himself to the centre of the bed, reaching a hand to their bedside drawer and pulled a bottle of lube out of it. He was about to pop it open when Aoba, finally came back to himself, launched towards him and took the bottle out of his hand.

“Wait, wait, hold on a second,” he said agitatedly. “You don’t mean to say…”

Noiz’s smirk only lifted higher. Without words, he spread his legs apart, his still soft dick laying softly on his abdomen before he pressed both of his palms at his thighs, an intention to urge Aoba further.

“You have experience, right?” he asked, a voice that suggested of nothing but mild stimulation.

Aoba swallowed down his throat. The sight in front of him was giving him a powerful sense of visual stimulation that he couldn’t help but feel his own length growing harder the longer he gazed at the position Noiz had put himself into. He’d seen Noiz’s naked body before; of course he did. But dominating Noiz was never something he thought he’d do; he was perfectly fine with their sexual roles all this while. This was definitely something new for him and he wasn’t sure if he should accept the offer or let Noiz lead the flow as usual.

“Do you need me to guide you then,” Noiz provoked. He was clearly luring Aoba into his flow and Aoba didn’t need him to try too hard to succeed. With a frown, he popped the lube bottle open, spreading the slime liquid all over his palm before he advanced towards Noiz, who still had a sinister simper plastered on his face.

“Well, I’m a guy after all, of course I would have _this_ experience,” he raised his tone, albeit an octave too high to suggest composure.

“Hmm, too bad I can’t be your first then,” Noiz teased, gripping on his own dick as a mean to help Aoba out with the preparation.

“I-it’s not like I’m your first anyway.” He didn’t know why he said it; he merely felt the urge to retort.

“You mean you did it with a guy before?” Noiz perked a curious eyebrow.

“I didn’t mean that,” Aoba was quick to counter. “I mean, it’s not the first time I, well, top.”

“But you’ve never done this with a guy before?” Noiz asked, just to confirm.

“…not topping a guy,” Aoba replied soundlessly.

“So technically,” Noiz rephrased, leaning forward just enough to catch Aoba’s wavering gaze. “I’m _still_ your first.”

He was lost in this whole word play thing but with hands slimy and a scene as delicious as his boyfriend spreading his legs, inviting him to fuck him, he decided to drop the case and proceeded with more urgent matters.

Slapping Noiz’s hand aside, he gripped his dick in his hand, rubbing it languidly, movement only made better with the assistance of the lube. The piercings poked his skin every so often, and soon enough, he felt heat against his palm, liquid that was a natural slime mingling with the artificial material in his hands.

“You’re getting better at this,” Noiz complimented. He seemed pretty relaxed himself, face just a tad flushed, body covered with thin sheen of sweat.

“You sure it’s not because of the fact that you’re aroused by the thought of being penetrated by me?” Aoba said breathlessly, not forgetting his confident smirk as he squeezed tighter on the head, causing precum to spill from the slit.

“The thought is intriguing, but seeing you working hard to pleasure me is a far more stimulating visual than the thought itself.”

Aoba understood what he meant, but his desire-clouded mind was far too gone to interpret it in a more succinct way so instead, he pulled his hands away from Noiz’s dick, slopping more lube on his hand and inched his fingers close to Noiz’s hole.

He hesitated when he pressed his fingertip experimentally against the wrinkles of his hole, feeling the tension of his inside before he pulled his finger out almost immediately.

“Don’t worry,” Noiz said. “I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

He remembered how it was for him when he first accepted fingers inside him. It was extremely tight and the scratching feeling of nails against his inner walls wasn’t a very comfortable experience either. If he could, he’d like to make sure that the discomfort level was kept to a minimum when he was to do it for Noiz, especially now that Noiz could feel pain perfectly well that he wanted to keep it as pain-free as possible.

But, it wasn’t possible.

One push of finger into Noiz had Noiz hitching a breath. He could barely move and it was starting to worry him if he was doing it too rough. But all Noiz did was urging him on, literally grasping him on the wrist and directing him to push in further.

“It’s fine,” was all he said before he started thrusting Aoba’s finger in and out, in and out of his own hole. It took a while but Noiz loosened up eventually, and with a knowing nod at Aoba, he took a deep breath when a second digit was added into him, the tightness returned to him.

“Are you okay?” Aoba asked, concerned. Noiz’s insides was shivering ever so slightly. It was tremendously hot and Noiz was sweating more than when they started. He seemed very uncomfortable with what they were doing now but he nodded nevertheless, enlivening a smile that’d given Aoba the green light to continue.

“Keep going, I’ll get used to it.”

Aoba knew that he would, and Noiz obviously knew it as well. There was absolutely nothing comfortable at the beginning of preparation and both of them were very well-versed on this. All Aoba could do to help Noiz ease his discomfiture was to do it as cautiously as he could, poking his insides, pressing his fingers against his inner walls and finding for the one spot that would replace this slight pain with pleasure.

“So hot,” Noiz said between pants. “Your fingers feel so tight in me.”

“You’re loosening up,” Aoba commented. “It’s getting wetter inside.”

They could tell that much from the loud and wet squishing sound whenever Aoba moved his fingers. And when Noiz started feeling more than just an odd sense of feeling, Aoba removed his fingers, one hand reaching to take off his pants while Noiz laid on the bed, catching his breath.

“Wow, getting hard just from finger-fucking me?” Noiz simpered. He’d lifted his head to see how Aoba was doing just to see Aoba’s full-hard dick exposed right in front of him. “I should be able to take you in.”

“Keep quiet,” Aoba reprimanded. “Just… let me know if it hurts.”

He sounded impatient and he had all the reason to. Despite being the one taking Noiz in at most times, Aoba was a man too and a man had his own domination instinct even when it came to sexual intercourse. It did nothing but arouse Noiz even more when Aoba rubbed the head of his dick against his wet hole, the heat of his length triggering a weird feeling of contraction within Noiz.

“It… might hurt,” Aoba muttered, though Noiz wasn’t sure if he was speaking to himself of if he was talking to him.

“Did it hurt the first time I did it to you?” he asked instead, driven by a raw mix of curiosity and desire.

“A bit,” Aoba answered, wiping sweat off his face as he did.

“I like a bit of pain,” Noiz said, attempting to lift the mood up. Aoba shot him a surprised look when he said that. Catching him off guard, he pushed himself up, reaching a hand out to hold Aoba’s dick frivolously in his hand before he threw a look that pronounced stalwartly of lust right at Aoba’s flustered expression.

“Tell me if it’s too much.”

That was supposed to be _Aoba_ ’s line but he was two seconds too slow to respond when Noiz pushed his dick into him, bubbled moans emitted from their throats when they both engulfed in the sensation of penetrating and being penetrated. It’d been a long time since Aoba felt sensation as strong as this – Noiz’s insides wrapped around him with the perfect tightness, the shrivelling from within sucking him in deeper, and he found himself grasping onto Noiz’s shoulders as he inched himself in deeper into Noiz, the heat so overpowering it intoxicated his brain. Noiz wasn’t any better, though. His dick twitched upon the first touch of penetration, his inner walls tensed out of physiological reaction when Aoba pushed his way through his rings of muscle. And while he tried to catch his breath, the feeling of being filled up wrapped his entire chest, his muscles overwrought as he tried to get used to the hot numbness that’d overtaken his rational thoughts.

“Stay like this for a while,” he breathed when Aoba’s entire length made its way in. “How do you feel?”

“Hot,” Aoba spilled the first word that came to his mind. Then, with a chuckle, he wrapped his arms around Noiz’s neck, kissing him on the cheeks before he continued. “Feels good.”

“Remember this,” Noiz smiled. It was a conversation that brought Aoba’s memory back to life. “This is how good your body is able to feel. You taught me this before, and I want you to remember it.”

He understood where Noiz came from, and it made him feel bad for worrying about him in the first place.

Nodding, he kissed him, their mouths opened without the need for further directives as they intertwined their tongues, devouring every inch of desire they could feel from each other. Aoba could feel Noiz relaxing the longer they indulged in their ardent kiss. Sensing a chance, he started thrusting, unhurriedly yet warily, taking a pace that was so very sensational that it was making it hard for them to breathe.

He couldn’t remember when they broke off their kiss, their attention diverted to focus on the part where they were connected. With his hands now on Noiz’s thighs, Aoba could clearly see how his own dick was pushing into Noiz, the visual spur triggering a surge of intense warmth from beneath him as sweat trickled down his face and fell on Noiz’s skin. Noiz was breathing hard, half-lidded eyes fixed on Aoba’s face, clearly indulging himself in every inch of warmth Aoba was giving him.

“Are you okay?” Aoba asked, slowing down just to check on Noiz.

“Fine, you can move faster.” Noiz sounded out of breath, Aoba’s sweaty hands on his quivering thighs did nothing but stimulating him further.

“You sure?” Aoba asked. Half of his dick was inside of Noiz and even though Noiz had loosened up now, he was still pretty cagey if he’d accidentally hurt him if he was to allow his own instinct to do whatever it wanted.

“Yeah.” Noiz’s answers were truncated at this point. Aoba’s slow motion was exasperating him and he wanted nothing more but to feel Aoba in a more vicious way. In a way, he was even more riled up to see Aoba react in a way that spun the dominant role right on him. Aoba had been capable of things he had no idea of, and with the situation they were in, especially knowing that Aoba’s existence alongside his body was far from normal, he’d really like to see the extent Aoba could go to pleasure him.

Instead of answering, Aoba swallowed down his throat, his hands clasping harder on Noiz’s skin that was sure to leave marks. Stretching his legs wider, he started moving again, slowly and eventually picking up speed and then before he knew it, he was completely lost in his own sexual instincts, his motion driven by raw need for sex as he thrust, hard and fast, into Noiz.

Noiz thought he was seeing stars in his eyes. Every thrust hit him right in the hilt, causing him to grip onto the mattress as his muscles contracted, his lower half numb from the impact. He gritted his teeth, strangled moans escaped his lips every so often while Aoba’s own moans grew brasher above him. His insides were so hot he thought it’d burn, the heat transcended along his skin and attacking right into his very veins. He’d never felt this way before and judging by how Aoba had succumbed his rationale to his instinct, he was sure that Aoba hadn’t been feeling this way before either.

“Aoba,” he called out, half of his energy lost in that one word. “Close.”

“Ugh.” Aoba merely let out what sounded like a stumpy grunt before he picked up speed, launching his weight on Noiz and kissed him, like a starved wolf devouring his prey. They exchanged moans into each other’s mouths, exchanged curbed looks that reverberated of nothing but profuse lust and when they came, low growls slipped out of Noiz’s mouth as he felt hot semen pouring into him, his own cum smearing both his and Aoba’s body as he embraced Aoba snugly in his arms, embracing the peak of their orgasms to the last drop of it.

 

Aoba could hardly believe it when they were both cleaned and snuggling under the blanket. He’d had an embarrassing time helping Noiz to clean himself up in the bathroom, almost resulting in a second round if he hadn’t been quick enough to withdraw himself. Noiz had commented of the experience as being surreal and extraordinary; that it was possible to feel warmth in such an intense way it’s almost as if they were burning themselves. Aoba wouldn’t say that it was a peculiar experience either. He felt the nostalgic sense of domination he’d once felt many years back, and while he focused on making Noiz feel good, he’d felt pleasure himself in ways that he’d never expected.

While Noiz sneaked an arm around his waist, pulling him close, he stared sideway at his boyfriend, just to see him smirking at him.

“Wh-what?” he asked, head still scorching with the images of what had just happened.

“Good?” Noiz asked instead.

“I’ve told you how I felt,” Aoba looked away, flusters obvious on his face.

“You’ve once again showed me how capable your body could be,” Noiz commented, sounded as shameless as usual.

But Aoba knew where he was coming from. He knew Noiz wouldn’t mind them switching positions once a while but the point of their lovemaking session this time was really for Aoba to realize how less different he was from everyone else.

“So which do you prefer? Penetrating or being penetrated?” Noiz pushed, realizing that Aoba had fallen silent.

The sensation rushed back to him upon hearing the question. Both felt good, both made great lovemaking experience, but at the end of the day…

“I still prefer for me to make good use of my pierced dick,” Noiz said before he could, albeit them sharing the same line of thought. “I didn’t leave them there for nothing, you know?”

He didn’t even need to see Noiz’s face to know what kind of expression he was showing. Completely at a loss of what to respond, he averted Noiz’s gaze, only looked at him again when he heard the sounds of Noiz fumbling with their bedside table.

“What are you looking for?” he asked.

Noiz answered him by showing him what looked like a photo album. While Aoba stared in trifling amusement, Noiz smiled, seizing Aoba’s hand and pushing the album into it.

“Grandma gave me this a long time ago,” he said.

“What’s this?”

“Photos of you, apparently.”

Aoba found his voice stuck in his throat. He’d never seen his own photos while he grew up; he didn’t even know they existed. But here they were, right in his very hands – memories that had taken a physical form.

“I guess she predicted this day to come,” Noiz said, caressing the spine of the album. “That you would question if everything in your mind belongs to you.”

He didn’t know what to say. Memories are intangible; they are unreliable. But there are ways to preserve memories – ways that could tell him that these incidences _happened_ and that they were real; the very evidence now in his hands.

“Want to take a look?” Noiz pushed again. Aoba seemed to be stuck in his own flow of thought that he was finding speaking difficult. With trembling fingers, he flipped the book open, hitching a breath when he saw the first photo in it.

“You were so small.” It was a picture of him when he was young; probably the day when his parents adopted him. He was smiling so happily in the picture, sitting in a bathtub, damped from head to toe.

Then, without him realizing, he was flipping through the pages, reminiscing on every one memory that had occurred to him – the moments he’d spent with Koujaku when they were kids, the traveling experiences he’d spent with his parents while they were still around, his teen years he could no longer remember, up to the more recent memories that he could still remember very clearly. All of these were evidences that he was alive, that he indeed, _lived_ as Seragaki Aoba – that his existence wasn’t an illusion.

“I wish we could do this too,” Noiz said at the end of the album.

“Memories…” Aoba mumbled. He remembered how he promised Noiz that they would create more memories together, that they would be by each other’s side until the end of the world.

Noiz nodded, cuddling Aoba firmer in his arms. “We can take a lot of photos and we can keep them like how Grandma keeps all your photos. And whenever you are to doubt your existence, we can take it out and I’ll remind you that you’re real, no matter how many times I need to do it.” He kissed Aoba on the forehead, taking a deep breath and releasing it, as if he’d just relieved a heavy load beneath his chest. “You _have_ to be real. There’s no way anyone else but you could make me feel this way.”

He felt imprudent for even doubting his own existence in the first place. At the end of the day, what’s real and what’s not wasn’t defined by the universe; there was no concrete, accurate way to define it after all. And at the end of the day, perhaps what’s real was how people around him made him feel that’d build him into the person he was today. And it was also how he made others feel that had contributed to how real he could be to others.

And how impactful his entire existence meant to others – to Noiz.

 


End file.
